Traveling Toward Terror: Thoughts and Reflections on Today's Paris Attacks

I'd be remiss today if I didn't take a few minutes to formulate my thoughts on today's terrorist attacks in Paris.

When something like this happens, we all go through a variety of stages.  First, there is the shock which occurs when we can't believe something like this would happen.  Then, there is the grief.  The realization that nearly 200 people lost a mother/father/son/daughter/aunt/uncle/friend/fiance.  After that, there is the anger.  Anger at the evil terrorists who would cause such a massive loss of life for some twisted, depraved reason.  And lastly, there is acceptance.  An acceptance of the fact that in the year 2015, we live in a world where terrorists can go into a crowded concert venue and kill over 120 people for reasons we'll never understand.

Being a news junkie, I often will drift to Twitter when big news like this hits.  However, tonight I found myself shying away from the site, in truth because of the inevitable reactions I would see from people throughout the world.  For every "We Are All Paris" sentiment out there, there exists an equal and ugly sentiment of "Kill All The Muslims" or "No More Immigrants."  Unfortunately, as has become tradition, there are those less than desirable politicians who will use this incident to further their own political agenda.  I won't get into those this evening, but let's just say they took hate speech to a whole 'nother level tonight.

In addition to ignoring Twitter, I've also ignored many news sites I typically rely on.  I've done so for the simple reason that the mainstream media is terrible at covering news.  Ironic, seeing as it is their only job.  However, in today's 24/7 news cycle, the mainstream media knows it's in competition for ratings, especially on a day like today.  Because of that, they will either jump to conclusions or report unfounded conclusions in order to be the first media outlet to "break" the story.  Unfortunately, this can have unintended and dire consequences as we saw with the Boston Marathon bombing in April of 2013.  After that happened, a Brown student named Sunil Tripathi was "identified" by Reddit users as a potential suspect in the bombing.  Eight days later, Tripathi's body was found and the cause of death was determined to be a suicide.

The truth of the matter is people are mad, and rightfully so.  However, a madness like the one produced tonight won't benefit anyone in the long run.  We've all, myself included, said things in the heat of the moment we instantly regret.  If we had just waited a few minutes, or even an hour, we would have had time to reflect and realize that we shouldn't have said what we said or we should have found another, more apt way to say it.  That's how I feel about tonight.  People are upset, but aren't thinking clearly.  Unfortunately, what that means is that people in Paris, and throughout the globe, will inevitably target a person or persons who had nothing to do with the events of this evening but they will harass them for the sole reason that they either look like or practice the same religion as the terrorists who committed the atrocities this evening.  They will be deemed guilty by association.  In that way, hate will beget hate.  

Personally, I've never been afraid to travel due to the threat of violence.  I have a little bit of family history to thank for this.  During my sophomore year of high school, my school was closed for three days straight due to bomb threats.  While discussing this incident with my father, he told me how his father (my grandfather) had received bomb threats while he was a dean of the College of General Studies at Boston University and rather than caving to the threats, my grandfather simply kept the school open as an act of defiance.  My own father inherited this mentality.  In the spring of 2003, I was scheduled to go to Spain for a week with a group from my high school.  The trip had been cancelled the previous year and there was some talk of doing it again this year.  However, my father was vocal about the trip proceeding and fought to ensure that we were able to go on what ended up being my first solo trip abroad.

Those early experiences have shaped my views on terrorism.  I firmly believe that the world is safer now than at any point in world history.  However, we hear about incidents like the one today and we begin to question our safety.  Yet the only reason we hear about terrorist attacks with such frequency is that we live in a 24/7 news cycle where violence, death, and destruction are the mainstays of any nightly news program for the sole reason that it draws people's attention.  We don't hear about the tens of thousands of successful takeoffs and landings each day, but we hear about the one plane that goes down.  We don't hear about the tens of thousands of successful automobile trips each day, but we here about the fatal accident on dark and unkempt roads.  And, my favorite example:  Cows kill five times more people than sharks, but I don't see anyone avoiding cow pastures for fear of an attack.

What that means is, the world is safe to see and to explore.  Granted, I don't think I'll be taking a direct flight to Damascus anytime soon, but you get the idea.  When I spent my semester abroad, I never once feared for my life.  Sure, it helps to be a White male, but I also was smart and avoided any situations that may have put me in danger.  I was never robbed or threatened or put in a position where I feared for my safety.  I stayed in well-lit areas and I was proud to walk my female drinking buddy home each night we were out because that's what friends do.  If you do all that, and look confident, even if you have no idea where you are and where you are going, then people generally leave you to your own devices.

The whole point of terrorism is to disrupt a person's way of life.  That's what they do, they intentionally target high-volume areas:  Malls, restaurants, train stations, office buildings, and now concert halls.  The aim is psychological in that the immediate loss of life is always terrible, but the greater aim is to get people to think twice about doing something they would otherwise be doing without having a second thought.  By not living your life as you would normally, you are letting the terrorists win, plain and simple.  If you avoid a crowded place, or traveling to a city, or studying abroad because you're afraid then you've let the terrorists win.  The best way to fight terrorism is not with bombs, or drones, or weapons but by engaging in psychological warfare.  If you can show them that you are not intimidated by their actions, then you've already won by showing them you will not cave to their wants and desires.  That is how the world needs to respond to this incident:  By having every Parisian out and about tomorrow living their lives as they would any other day.

That would be the ultimate revenge against tonight's terrorist attack.

Perspective And Rejection: Analyzing the Struggles of Job Hunting

I've learned to despise Friday afternoons.

For eight years in the workforce I loved them.  They were the best.  They were a time when everyone, teachers, students, co-workers, everyone was all set to kick back and relax for the next 60 or so hours.  No matter what happened during the week or even the day, saying the phrase "Have a good weekend!" seemed to pep everyone up, especially those who you said it to right before they left the workplace.

Now is a different story.

It's a different story because employers traditionally use Friday afternoons to let their employees go and to let candidates know they are no longer being considered for a position.  I've learned this the hard way the past couple months.  The first time I got a rejection email I don't think I even paid attention to the date.  However, that next Friday I got another rejection email.  The Friday after that were three rejections.  It's gotten to the point now where if I get an email notice on my phone on a Friday between the hours of 2 and 4 then I assume it's bad news.  Often times, it is.

Dealing with rejection is part of life.  All of us have at one point asked someone out, or asked them for a second date and we told "Thanks, but no thanks."  When it happens, it stings but you eventually get over it.  You realize that this person just didn't appreciate what you had to offer.  That this person simply didn't realize what a catch you were.  You pump yourself up and list all your positive traits.  Why, if this person had chosen you then he/she would be with someone who can X, Y, and Z!  You use the experience as motivation going forward.  It was his or her loss, but you know you'll find someone out there who appreciates you for just the way you are.

Now imagine getting rejected 70 times in a row.

Your perspective would change a bit, wouldn't it?  You'd begin to wonder if there was something seriously wrong with you.  Is it your looks?  Is it something you say in conversation?  Is it an awkward introduction?  Is it the venues you choose or let your date choose?  Is it a nervous habit or twitch?  Is it because you wait too long after the date to say you had a good time?  Are you saying you had a good time and want to see this person again too soon?  Is there something in your teeth?  Are your teeth crooked?  The concerns would go on and on.

That's me right now.  Since I began my unemployment, I've kept a Word file of all the organizations I have applied to.  That list has recently reached 70 names.  Each of them told me "Thanks, but no thanks."  Some at least gave me a shot.  I've had a half-dozen or so phone interviews and a couple second interviews including one in person.  But those so far have not yielded any successes.  I also briefly tried a career in solar but that wasn't a good fit and so I went back to the drawing board after that experience.

So I'm now at a point where I've been into a lot of introspection.  Why am I being rejected so often?  Is it my resume?  Is it my cover letter?  Is it the initial email I send stating my interest in the position?  Is it the quality of the writing sample for those that request that information?  Is it the format of my reference list?  Is it my answers I give over phone interviews?  Is it a lack of research of the company or organization?  Is it my questions that I have for the organization?  The list goes on and on.

To be honest, there have been several positions I knew I wouldn't get.  Applying to some of the more reputable organizations, you realize that due to name recognition alone you are going to be competing against the creme of the crop.  Against those who have years of experience in a similar position for another outstanding organization.  You realize that several of the positions require experience that you simply don't have but you want to apply to anyway because the application process itself is good experience.  Those are the ones that don't sting as bad.  Those are the ones that are like when you ask out the head cheerleader at the 8th grade dance.  You've got nothing to lose so why not go for it?  (Speaking from experience *cough* Alycia Torre *cough*)

However, for the jobs I generally sought out, I'm at a point now where I'm reevaluating my portfolio.  I've been fortunate that my father has taken a look at my resume and passed it on to the vice-president of his company to help me edit.  I'm now in the process of organizing my cover letters into similar groups so I can more easily modify them based on the position I'm applying for whether its environmental policy, educational policy, literacy-based nonprofits, political communications, or any other role I might apply to.  I'm also taking a look at professional cover letters and modifying mine to better emulate them.  It's hard to make yourself stand out with a simple piece of paper but any advantage I might potentially have I intend to fully pursue.

This also includes pursing any leads that my friends or family might have.  I've recently reached out to my Facebook friends in various geographic locations as well as friends who are involved in fields that I may want to pursue.  As much as I would like to earn a position all by myself, I am realistic.  I know that a large number of people today who change careers are able to successfully do so because they have a contact in their new chosen field.  As I update my cover letter and other resources, I know that it definitely wouldn't hurt to see if any friends have an "in" in a field that I would want to pursue.  Everything I've done up to this point has been on my own and it has been a struggle.

Anything I can do to ease that struggle would be a great relief.

Green vs. Green: A Short Adventure Into the World of Solar Energy

Can you find a career that pays you well and helps you save the world?

This was the question that piqued my interest this past week as I got my first pair of in-person job interviews since I got back from Lake Tahoe at the end of July.  After three weeks of unsuccessful emails being sent out, I came across a free app called Jobr which I decided to try.  The app was simple:  Create a profile and then "tinder" potential job matches.  By tinder, I mean you swipe right if you're interested and swipe left if you're not.  If the company is interested back, then you have a "match" and company will send a pre-generated email stating their desire to try and get you in for an interview.

It just so happened that in my first round of swiping right, I found four potential matches.  The first match was with an insurance company and after further researching the position, I decided it was not for me.  The second match was a media company that was involved in publishing.  I actually scheduled an interview with them, but learned that you were only paid on the advertising you generate so many people didn't get a paycheck for their first four months.  That was a little much for me so I thanked the interviewer for his time and told him that I would not be interested in the position.  Originally I was hoping there would be more of a writing component as well, but I learned that was done by content managers and not the publishers.

The third match was a marketing firm in Sacramento and I scheduled an in-person interview this past Wednesday morning.  I got to a sparsely populated office that was essentially empty except for the room they were doing the hiring in.  Big red flag in my book.  In addition, there were multiple candidates there for the position, which led me to believe they essentially just booked everyone for an interview as a way to meet some kind of quota.  When it came time for my interview, I was at least the 5th one, and it was only 9:00 A.M.  I introduced myself to the hiring manager, who had received my resume prior to my being called.  He told me about the position and the next steps if I was being considered and got up to shake my hand.  The whole thing lasted two-minutes tops.  Having done hiring myself, I know what "weed" language is and that is definitely what I got.  I don't know if they were looking for someone with more experience but whatever it was, it wasn't me.  Their loss.

The fourth match was with a solar company as an energy representative.  This was intriguing to me because I am not only a big proponent of solar but I'm aware that there is an emerging market for the product, especially here in California.  I interviewed with a man who we'll call Jay.  Jay looked over my resume and commented on my intelligence.  I was grateful that someone actually read my resume and saw that!  In addition, he asked me about my motivations and a little bit about my background as well.  At the end, he told me I was just the kind of guy they were looking for and that if interested, there was a training on Thursday to learn more about the position.  I thanked him for the opportunity and decided to go to the training to see what the job was all about.

As it turned down, the training was spread over two days, on both Thursday and Friday for a group of about twelve of us.  Each day had a four-hour class taught by Manny, the office manager.  On day one, we learned about solar basics:  The panels, the systems, kinds of roofs, and how to analyze a customer's electricity bill.  On the second day, we learned about what a contract looked like and also discussed what motivates people to want to purchase a solar unit.  At the end of the presentation was The Big Finish as I'll call it.  All it was was showing future leadership opportunities and the amount of money that could be made at each level.  Manny was not shy in sharing his experience and how he was about three months away from being a millionaire.  You could see my fellow classmates' eyes get big when these numbers were put on the board.  Manny stressed that if you legged it out, this kind of money was possible for every single person in the room.

But there has to be a catch.

There always is.  Sure, this kind of money is possible, but what do you have to give up to attain it?  What are some unwritten rules you have to follow?  What kind of connections have to be made?  Besides time, what else has to be sacrificed to attain this level of success?  What is needed to retain this kind of success?  Do you have to sell your soul to become successful?

These questions led me to a third training day which was essentially an observation day.  Those that wanted to continue were invited back to join the employees on their Saturday rounds to various neighborhoods.  On Saturday, all employees come in at 10:00 A.M. and breakfast is provided.  They then get pumped up for the day through a variety of cheers and chants and then recognize people for their successes.  There are different chants for each sex and let's just say that should a woman be successful there is an added part of the chant that doesn't exist for the men.  As people are recognized, they state what went well for them and their goal for the day.  Anybody that sold a system gets to hit the gong in the corner of the office.  At the end, there are more chants before everyone breaks and hits the road.

To say I was on the set of The Wolf of Wall Street is not an understatement.

Now, since Jay called me initially and also interviewed me, he recruited me to be part of his team along with two other guys he had personally recruited.  We dropped off my car and Jay stated that he was working on some territory in Fairfield, about an hour west of Sacramento.  He asked me about my driving record and then proceeded to give me the keys to his $40,000 Mercedes company car.  He worked on his computer in the front seat to help set up our walking route while I drove to Fairfield.

Once there, our first stop was to the church where Jay had recently sold solar panels to.  His vision was to use this transaction as an "in" to the Fairfield community:  He would go in and talk to the congregation members about solar power and right there we would have a built-in market to buy and purchase our solar panels.  After seeing the church, we went to a local neighborhood and started canvassing.  The purpose of the observation day is to see what your trainer does and what works for him.  However, Jay was very hands on.  He had us rotate through walking to the door with him so we all had a chance to see his interactions.  After that, he then had us walk up to the door and greet the customer while he hung back.  If the conversation was going well, he would jump in and get into more of the specifics.  

For Jay, the purpose of the training day was twofold:  He not only wanted us to see how easy it was to make money but he wanted us to experience it for ourselves.  As luck would have it, I just happened to be at the door when Jay convinced a gentleman to do a free energy assessment with us.  To do that, all we need was the customer's name, their energy meter number, and their account number from their local utility company on an intent form.  Once we have that, you send a request to the solar company and they run an analysis of how much money a customer could save by converting to solar power.  We talked to this customer around 1 o'clock and then we said we would return about 7 P.M. when his wife was home to discuss our proposal.

After we got the initial proposal, Jay gave me a high-five.  Besides saying hello, I had contributed nothing to the conversation, but he wanted to give me credit for it.  He took a picture of the signed form and sent it to a group message of all the employees showcasing "my" success.  When Jay got another initial proposal with another guy in our group, he did the same thing.  By the time it was 3:00 P.M. we had already done a loop in the neighborhood and decided to break for lunch.  Jay took us to El Pollo Loco and bought us all food.  He then retreated to his car to make some personal phone calls and we returned to canvassing the same neighborhood.

At 7:00 P.M., Jay took me with him to try and sell the customer and his wife a system.  You could tell Jay had been doing this for a long time as he knew both his presentation but also how to read the customers.  He had his graphs handy and also had the proposal up on his laptop, which had been sent to him after the initial request was put in.  He was able to answer questions in a clear and easy-to-understand way.  After an hour, he sold the couple on the benefits of a solar system and had them complete the contract on his computer.  We shook heads and once we got outside Jay told me, "We just made $900 that you and I are gonna split.  Not bad for a day, huh?"  And he nudged me before getting back in the car and driving back to Sacramento.

After recovering on Sunday, I decided to return to work on Monday as I wanted to see what a normal day would look like.  I got there at 9:00 A.M. and from 9-9:30 there is a class for all the people who have yet to become managers.  This involved going over a skill or a concept; the theme for Monday was the purpose of doing multiple laps in a neighborhood.  From 9:30-10:00 you meet with your team and rehearse.  Jay had us go over our pitches to customers but also wrote some talking points on the board for us to reference.  At 10:00 they again did recognition and since I "got a sale" I was recognized.  I did my best to BS the speech by saying what worked for me was trying to emulate Jay and being confident.  After going through and getting a series of high-fives I got to bang the gong for my sale.

Most teams headed out by 11 but Jay had scheduled an interview that was running late, so we didn't leave until 11:45.  What I was beginning to see was that Jay was essentially bringing in his own people to become part of his team.  On the way down to Fairfield, Jay told us that he was actually starting his own solar company and that he was using his current job to help recruit his people to help him out down the road.  He told us that if we stuck with him, we could transition over to the new job and be making lots of money with him.  But the key was to make sure we listened to him and took in everything he had to say.  We got to Fairfield around 12:45 and Jay again bought us lunch before we went out and canvassed.

After leaving lunch, Jay saw a new neighborhood we hadn't tried so we went there.  Since it was our second day, Jay had us go up to the door ourselves and do our own pitch and he would wait out front if we needed him.  About a half-hour into canvassing, I was able to have a gentleman sign his intent form to see if his home qualified for solar.  Unfortunately, the customer didn't qualify for a system due to low energy bills but Jay again took a picture of me getting the intent form and sent it to the group.  At this point, Jay saw a home with lots of land and headed that way and told the rest of us to continue canvassing the neighborhood.  We did so and ended up leaving at about 3 PM to head back to our territory from the previous day.

Once we got back there, Jay and I actually had to return to our customer's home from the previous day.  In terms of order, you are supposed to do a credit check with the customer before even submitting a proposal.  However, Jay jumped the gun because he wanted me to be able to experience success so we were banking on the fact that this customer had good credit.  Fortunately, he did and we finished the credit check and set him up with automatic withdrawals.  Once we did that, the purchase was official and Jay and I officially had our $900 between us.  Once we left there, we canvassed for an hour and a half before Jay told us we had to go to a meeting he had set up in Suisun City.  On the way there, Jay was talking to one of his friends on the phone and got upset that someone seemed to be trying to steal "his territory."  Jay told us that he was a driven individual but he worked hard for his money and simply wouldn't tolerate anyone trying to cross him.  He then asked me for directions to the harbor in Suisun City.

I wasn't sure what was going on so Jay explained he was working with a program in the area to help lessen the impact of recidivism of convicted felons.  He was scheduled to talk to a group of them that night about potential jobs in green energy.  Jay told me that there was a chance they might be joining his team and he wanted to show them what was possible.  Jay had me get up and introduce myself and he then told the group what kind of money I made on Saturday and how easy it was to do.  Just like with my training class, you could see the group's eyes light up when they heard about money.  After we left, Jay said that hopefully some of them would come out and help us out and we could split commission with them if they weren't comfortable closing deals.  After the class, we did a short loop around the area to canvass homes and then we left Suisun City around 6:30.

On the way back, Jay was driving but also on the phone trying to close the deal for the church in Fairfield.  He was told that the church's credit did not qualify them and the person at the solar company said that they were going to take the deal to other companies.  Jay insisted that they not do that and made them promise to keep the deal in house.  After he hung up, Jay dropped a few f-bombs and was irate that he could potentially lose his deal.  He stressed that this was how you make money, being persistent and not letting anyone get the best of you.  In fact, he told us that he actually had a meeting in San Francisco on Wednesday and that we might need to adjust our schedule accordingly.  Jay dropped me off at my car at I ended up home around 7:30.

Once home, I couldn't help but laugh.  The day, nay the whole experience, was just so absurd.  Jay didn't care about the environment, all he cared about was making money.  I ended up checking his LinkedIn profile and found that he would bounce around from job to job simply to make money.  It eventually became clear:  Jay was using his experience with the solar company to make enough money for his new business venture.  That's why he was recruiting so heavily:  The more of us he had working under him, the more money he earned based on the way the solar company pays its employees.  If Jay recruited three of us, and three of us became trainers, and each had three recruits and so on, Jay would be making enough money to get his business venture off the ground.  He didn't want us to become successful for ourselves, he wanted us to become successful for himself.

And that, in a nutshell, is how this company works.  People don't care about the cause, all they care about is making money.  Manny himself in the training admitted that he had lost nearly a million dollars in the tequila business and yet now he was making so much money in solar that his wife no longer had to work.  There's a reason that solar companies don't offer sick days, or paid leave, or paid vacations, or even an hourly salary:  They're designed for those that already have careers.  If you're a young kid out of college, the money sounds great.  The possibility for promotion sounds great.  The possibility of running an office sounds great.  You don't care about things like health insurance, dental insurance, or paid maternity and paternity leave.  All you care about is the green:  The green of money.

For me, that is not what I'm looking for.  I don't care about fancy cars, or big houses, or even owning a yacht.  For me, I want to find a fulfilling career that positively impacts the world.  For eight years, I've stayed true to this vision and I'm not about to abandon it now.  Money comes and goes, just look at this week's stock market.  But what a person does in his or her life stays with them.  Sure it'd be nice to not have to worry about money but let's be honest:  Everyone does.  Even the guy with the yacht.  Whereas you or I are concerned about paying rent the guy with the yacht is concerned that he might not have enough money to buy that speed boat.  Different worlds, sure, but in the end no matter who you are you are going to be concerned about your money.

That concern is a whole lot less stressful if you're doing something that you love.

Square One: The 2015 Job Hunt Begins

For the past month while I was in a state of transition from one job to the next, I took a job as a summer counselor on the campus of Colorado at Boulder.  In late May when I was beginning to realize my nonprofit job did not hold a future for me, I began doing some rudimentary job searching to see what was out there.  However, in the interim I decided it would be best to take a short-term employment opportunity and while I was doing that, I could begin to more thoroughly analyze the job market that was available to me.  So I called up my employer from the last three summers and asked if they had any opportunities available.  They responded that there was a number of programs that still needed staff and one of my former co-workers suggested that I join her in the inaugural program in Boulder.

Four weeks in Colorado and not having to pay for food and lodging?  Done and done.

And so for the past month, I was in beautiful Boulder helping to ensure that we kept 95 students from all over the world safe and secure during their three week stay on the campus.  We also tried to give them a little bit of what Colorado had to offer so the students also took day trips to Rocky Mountain National Park, Denver, Colorado Springs, Six Flags, and the local Boulder community including shopping, movies, and hiking all while attempting to avoid (sometimes unsuccessfully) the patented mountain weather that would produce afternoon showers on a moment's notice.  When all was said and done, I had a chance to work with 10 amazing students from around the world and 10 staff who did their best to ensure that I didn't feel too old despite the fact that I was the oldest counselor.

Once that experience was done, I had one last opportunity that would prevent me from entering the job hunt.  The day I returned to Sacramento, I immediately dropped off my dirty clothes, checked my mail, and hopped in my car to head to Lake Tahoe for a week.  I stayed with my grandparents and my uncle in what has become a yearly tradition and it again came at a great time for me as I was spoiled by my grandparents' cooking and had another week of free lodging.  I got to see my extended family who I see once a year and got to once again tan in the Tahoe sun, leaving me with my best tan of the year that will have faded in a month's time.  At the end of my time there, I said my goodbyes and trekked back to Sacramento where my job hunt is now in full swing.

So, how does a job hunt work in 2015?  Well to be honest, the big thing is to decide what I want to do next.  So that was the number one thing.  In addition, I've used this time to update each and every thing that a potential employer might need:  My resume, my writing samples, my reference list, my LinkedIn profile, and my Facebook profile (because, yes, employers will look at that too) were all given a shiny, new upgrade.  I also created a profile for Idealist.org, a site which lists many nonprofit opportunities and through which I found my previous job.  Once the nitty gritty was complete, I then had a chance to think about what I want to be when I grow up and whether or not these things were realistic.  I ended up breaking down this line of thought into 5 possible tracks:

1.  Blogger  

This would be ideal as I am at a point where I would like to do something with my writing.  This is a career that appeals to a lot of people because of how flexible it is.  Most blogger opportunities are remote, which is extremely attractive, especially for someone my age with no living restrictions or commitments.  Unfortunately, these positions are rare and so for each one there is intense competition.  I recently applied for a blogger position for a GMO nonprofit based out of Oakland and received word that there were 180 candidates for the single position.  Even Katniss Everdeen had better odds in her favor than me for that particular position.

2.  Education Nonprofit

Despite my first failed attempt at working for a nonprofit, I'm not willing to shut the door on the field entirely.  However, if I were to pursue another nonprofit work situation it would have to be in the education field.  Fortunately, there are positions available if you can find the right opportunity.  I feel like this would be a career I could really get behind.  One of my holdups about teaching was the fact that your influence is small; you only impact the students you teach rather than the system as a whole.  The education nonprofits out there often work with struggling students across a variety of schools and communities.  There have been some postings about becoming a program coordinator for one of these nonprofits.  That is something that would interest me as I could use both my education background and my staff management background from my previous job.

3.  Campaign Worker

In 16 months, the United States will elect its 45th president.  As someone who is passionate about politics and who loves the behind-the-scenes action, I've always been intrigued with the possibility of working on a presidential campaign.  Unfortunately, I don't have any ins at this point, but I do have a couple of friends who worked on campaigns who are asking around for me.  Even if it were for a short time with non-so-great pay, I think it would be a fascinating experience to work on a presidential campaign.  My current Netflix obsession is The West Wing and I'm currently watching season 7 where they hit the campaign trail.  That, for me, would be an amazing experience where I could use my knowledge of politics and hopefully my writing as well to become a valuable member of a campaign staff.  And hey, who knows?  If you back the right horse there may be a nice job at the end of the line for you in Washington, DC.

4.  Teacher

The reason I left teaching is because I became frustrated with the inherent inequality that the education system today propagates.  However, despite my ideological disagreements with the system, I still enjoyed teaching and the day-to-day interaction with the students.  I was good at what I did and the salary and time off during the year was definitely a plus.  As of now, I'm not actively looking to teach again, but if push came to shove I wouldn't mind teaching again if I found the right situation.  I don't believe that door is permanently closed for me at this point in my life, but I also realize that it is frustrating to be part of a system that ultimately hurts children, especially by having an administration that either refuses to recognize or doesn't realize how much harm they are doing.  I wouldn't go back to teaching kick and screaming per say, but I also would feel like a hypocrite being part of a system I know doesn't work and that does damage to our children's future.

5.  World Traveler

I put this option on the list for the sole reason that if all else fails, it wouldn't actually be the worst thing in the world.  I have been meaning to travel and see the world and what better time to do it then at age 30 when I have no home to own, no spouse, no children, and no pets?  Sure it would eat into my savings a bit, but what better way to broaden my horizons than to take a two-three month trek around the world flying solo?  Yes, it would be financially irresponsible and may be slightly dangerous depending on where I go, but what better way for me to get in an amazing life experience before I settle down and start my own family?  Plus, I could write about it and that writing could turn into a best-selling memoir which allows me to both 1)  Pay the bills and 2)  Attain a career as a writer.  That's how it works, right?  You travel the world, write a best-selling book about it and everything works out?  At least, that's what Hollywood has led me to believe.

So that is where I stand.  Each day I search job boards and hope to find the job that combines all my passions into one.  The job where I am challenged every day, but rise to the challenge because I believe in the work.  The job where my boss is equally passionate and delves into the work each and every day because he wants to make the world a better place and firmly believes in the company's mission.  The job where we work behind the scenes to achieve monumental social justice victories but never celebrate because we know the work is never done.  That is the job I'm looking for and that is the job I feel is right for me.  I know that job is out there somewhere.

Now all I have to do is find it.

Back To Square One: The Analysis of my Week-Long Soul Searching

Upon further review, I needed more than 48 hours.

As I mentioned in my last post, the previous week at my job had been the most trying one to date.  Not only was I put on a performance plan but I also had to consider what exactly this performance plan meant for me going forward.  Was it a simple way to motivate me or was it a not-so-subtle way to let me know that I wasn't what the organization was looking for?  In truth, I personally couldn't say for sure one way or the other and instead of making a rash decision, I opted to give myself a full week to evaluate my choices.  In doing so, I wanted to see if the job itself would feel any different based on the past week's events.

My conclusion:  The job was no longer fun.

Throughout a normal work week, there are always inevitable highs and lows.  However, for the most part I enjoyed the work I was doing and because of that, I was able to endure both ends of the spectrum.  However, ever since my meeting with my boss, something changed both within me and in the way I was being treated.  My boss seemed to be delegating authority to our other director rather than me.  When I offered my opinion, it was greeted with an "Ok" without any further discussion.  When I needed to do something my boss said, "You should..." in a tone that seemed unusually annoyed or aggravated.

In addition, my own work simply wasn't the same.  For every important directorial act, I forced myself to quadruple check what I was doing, even though I knew I could do it right one time.  For my own calling, every single person that said no weighed on me like never before.  I felt pressure to perform and instead of being able to have good conversations like I had been doing, I instead found myself becoming annoyed with members who were unable to give financially.  At the end of the week, I was above expectation but only by about 5%.  In the previous weeks I had been between 50-60% above.  During those weeks, I was calling well because I was relaxed and because I was confident that I could successfully have good conversations.

On Friday as the directing team left the office, I turned and looked back for the sole reason that I couldn't imagine myself in this line of work for another 14 months.  In fact, I could barely imagine myself in this line of work for another 14 days and yet that would be the least that would be required of me.  However, right there and then when I was looking back and thinking about my future with the organization, the 14 days felt a whole lot better than 14 months.

So on Monday, I put in my two weeks notice.

My boss just nodded and gave me the paper work to fill out.  My co-worker just nodded.  However, I had reached a point of no return and this really was the only way for my time with the organization to end.  The last thing I wanted to do was be fired and I felt that that was a possibility going forward.  However by putting in my two weeks notice, I could leave on my terms.  It also allowed the organization to start planning to find my replacement, something I'm convinced was already in the works anyway.  Now however, they could begin the hiring process and wouldn't have to worry about doing it behind my back.  Lastly for me, I could focus on finishing out the job strong and leaving the organization with a good impression of me without burning any bridges.  Despite how this all will end, I don't hold any grudges and I do wish the organization well.  They're doing good work, but unfortunately they aren't staying true to their mission statement and that is a shame because it is a noble mission statement at that.

And now it's back to the drawing board and time for this millennial to wander once more.

Down And Out: Pondering My Future After A Rocky Week

The honeymoon is officially over.

After nine months at my new job, I've finally encountered my first rocky patch.  Unfortunately, I have found it to me more than simply a rough patch but rather a sign of things to come from this point going forward.

I guess I should give some background to the situation.  As a first year director, I am evaluated every quarter, or three months.  After my second evaluation in January, I was given two areas to focus on as a director:  My own calling and what were called foundational practices.  My own calling related to my director fundraising, for which I am required to do 8 hours per week.  At the second evaluation, I had the goal of calling at 25% above expectations, which was a goal set by my supervisor.  During my second evaluation, I was told that I reached this goal and that I was trending in the right direction.  For my third evaluation, it was determined that my goal as a caller was to be 40% above expectations.

The second area of focus is what is called foundational practices.  My supervisor defined these as things relating to daily office management like properly collecting and filing paperwork, processing returns, and evaluating employee performance.  At our second evaluation, this was stressed to me due to an incident that happened in December.  Each time we hire a new employee, we collect tax forms as well as I-9 forms from them and immediately fax that information to our national office in Boston.  Every so often for whatever reason, our national office fails to receive a form and they immediately e-mail the directing team to locate the form.  Nine times out of ten, we either check the employee's file for the form or get them to re-fill out the form their next shift.  Unfortunately in December, one of our employees quit during their training week right after we realize we were missing her I-9 form.  Since I was the one who collected the form, it was my responsibility to track her down and get her to fill out the information so we could give her her final paycheck.  However, she did not return our calls and thus, we had to figure out how to pay her without having her information.  It served as a prime example as to how and why these foundational practices were so important.

So this past Thursday when I had my third formal evaluation, I was well aware of the expectations.  In starting the evaluation, my director asked for my feedback as to how things were going.  I was honest in that I felt I was calling better and that I was also making a conscientious effort to do better with foundational practices.  My director said that for the last two months I had been calling at 48% above expectations, which was moving in the right direction.  She also mentioned that ever since the December incident, I hadn't lost or misplaced any new member information, which was a also a step in the right direction.  However, despite both of these improvements, she told me that I was going to be placed on a director improvement plan for the next month for both my calling and my foundational practices.  If these both did not improve, I would be terminated.

I was absolutely blindsided by this.

When I politely asked for the reasoning behind this decision, my director told me that even though I was calling better my performance since the start of my tenure still wasn't where it should have been after nine months of staff.  She also mentioned a couple of foundational concerns, including the aforementioned December incident.  When I told her that I felt good that that mistake hadn't been repeated, she essentially told me that while that was true it still should have never happened in the first place.  She also mentioned some other things that I considered irrelevant like one time in February where one of my interviews had taken longer than expected and she told me that the interview had lasted too long.  I took note of that and made sure that all of my interviews from that time forward where done in a timely manner, which they were.  Overall, when I left the evaluation I was dumbstruck as to how and why I ended up on the improvement plan.

The past forty-eight hours have left me reflecting long and hard about my job.  It's not that I can't take criticism, I can definitely do that.  However, what struck me the most about the evaluation is how short-sighted it seemed.  The message was essentially this:  We expect you to be a great fundraiser who never makes mistakes.  To me, that is an unrealistic expectation, especially for a first-time director.  For me, I know that it took me a while to become a good fundraiser and I've talked about this struggle in previous blogs.  I also think that with any new job there is a learning curve where unintentional mistakes are made.  What's important with these mistakes is that they are addressed and corrected and that they don't happen again.

In addition, I am also concerned about how this will affect my job going forward.  Not only will I have to worry about being under the microscope for the next month but I also now have reservations about how the organization sees me.  Do they see me as someone who is incompetent?  Do they see me as someone who is an inadequate fundraiser?  Or do they see the intangibles I bring to the work?  The things I do that are immeasurable like building relationships with the staff and helping office performance improve over 12% from where it was last year?

For now, the main question I am considering is whether or not it's worth being with an organization that potentially doesn't value the work that I do for another 15 months.  I am a man of my word and I want to finish my two-year commitment to the job and the organization.  However, if they don't see what I bring to the table, especially after giving up my previous career for the job then I don't know if it's worth my investment.  I believe in what the organization does and what it stands for but if I'm in a position that limits my professional growth for the next 15 months then I am going to have to take a long, hard look at whether or not it will be worth it.

In other words, I'm going to be doing a lot of soul searching between now and Monday.



  

 

Level Up: Reaching Adulthood After All These Years

I'm officially an adult.  

It certainly didn't happen overnight.  However, as more and more time has passed I've come to the undeniable truth that yes, I have in fact, reached adulthood.  

It was bound to happen eventually.  I tried to delay it as long as I could.  I still listen to the same music I listened to as a teenager including artists like Britney Spears, N*Sync, Enrique Iglesias, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  I still watch lowbrow comedy shows like The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Archer.  The list of movies I have watched the previous three Saturdays is as follows:  Finding Nemo, Beerfest, and Office Space.  My latest Facebook post showcased Eddie Murphy's ridiculously awesome 80s music video for "Party All The Time"  and I am personally giddy for the season premier of "Game of Thrones" in just under 24 hours.  

And yet, try as I could to delay it, I now know that becoming an adult was inevitable.  

As a graduating college senior eight years ago, I remember our commencement speaker, David Brooks, talking about the fact that we weren't entering the real world; we had actually been there the last four years.  I thought about this and realized Brooks was right.  I mean, for four years I had been in charge of my own physical well-being.  I got up all by myself and got myself to and from class.  I did all the assignments by the due date and took all the exams when scheduled.  I spent a semester in Spain all by myself and spent a semester as a student-teacher at a local area high school.  I was able to clothe and feed myself, not (totally) destroy my liver, stay disease free, and make livelong friends for four years on a college campus where I knew nobody when I first started out.

However, when I look back on my college self, I realized I wasn't an adult quite yet.  

Being an adult requires varying levels of responsibility.  As a college student, I had some of these.  However, now that I am in my eighth year in the workforce I now see that much more was needed in my metamorphosis into adulthood.  Bills have to be paid on a monthly basis including rent, credit card, cell phone, gas & electric, renter's insurance, car insurance, and health insurance.  Yearly responsibilities include paying taxes and registering my automobile.  In addition to these new responsibilities, the ones I faced in college still hold true as well:  I still have to feed, clothe, and bathe myself, I have to successfully wake up on time, I have to stay healthy and exercise, and I have to perform at my job while finding creative outlets for myself outside of my job to stay sane as well.  

But most of all, I need to be my own person to be a true adult.  

This last realization struck home about three weeks ago at a work retreat at Pismo Beach, just north of San Luis Obispo in California's central coast.  It was a chance for members of the organization to get together and discuss our successes so far this year and preview our upcoming summer campaigns.  As has been the tradition, those with families and young children stayed together while the staff without significant others stayed in a separate unit, one which ended up resembling a spring break house with 20 people staying together in a five-bedroom home.  

To be honest, I was not the oldest person in the home.  However, I definitely felt removed from the younger generation of activists, many of whom were one to two years out of college.  I wasn't a square my any means; I definitely enjoyed a six-pack on Friday evening of Sam Adams and I also enjoyed some margaritas and mimosas that were offered to be by my younger counterparts throughout the weekend.  Yet, when push came to shove on Saturday evening and several of my counterparts set up a dance party in our garage at midnight, there was only one thing on my mind:  

What time I needed to get up the next day to make the five-hour drive back to Sacramento.  

And that's when I began to realize I had reached adulthood:  The responsibility factor.  The fact that my priorities are different than those six, seven years my younger.  When I go out with friends or to a bar, it's only for a couple drinks.  When I have free time, necessities rather than extravagances come first:  Running to the bank, buying groceries, doing laundry, or getting gas now become my top weekend priorities.  When those necessities are completed, then, and only then do I focus on my hobbies:  Working out, hiking, biking, blogging, and reading among others.  It is in those priorities that I have finally realized that I am now an adult.  

Now, to be fair there are multiple levels of "adultness" to be had.  I don't have a significant other, I don't own a home, I don't have a pet, and I don't have children of my own.  But I have come to realize that I've reached a certain point in my life and that's perfectly okay:  It's the natural progression of one's professional career.  Priorities change.  For me, my most important priority is doing a good job in my new line of work.  After that, it's making sure that my life is in order through my own health and finances.  Then, last but certainly not least, comes the social aspect:  Being with friends and family, staying in touch with those who aren't in my immediate vicinity, and doing things that I have found make me personally happy.  

There are worse things in life than becoming an adult.  

  

Good Call: Simple Advice for a Complex Activity

"You're just having a conversation."

Never have five words been so simple and yet so effective.

At the beginning of January my calling had taken a turn for the worse.  After calling better in November, the month of December ended with my performance down and down to the point where my lead director was concerned.  Through nearly four and a half months on the job my overall performance was right at expectations.  Again, as directors we are never in jeopardy of losing our jobs due to our calling performance but on the flip side the expectation is that we are among the top callers in the office.  Being right at minimum expectation meant that I was not performing where I needed to be in terms of setting a good example for the office.

As disheartening as this was, I also knew that I was setting myself up for a disappointing performance review in just over two months.  In discussing my performance with my lead director, we had set a goal of being 25% above expectations for the month of January.  Seeing as the month of December I had been -15% below expectations, the task seemed daunting and unrealistic for me to turn my performance around in such a short amount of time.

Then I got those five simple words.

The words came from the other assistant director, a calling veteran of nearly seven years.  She had seen me go through my initial ups-and-downs and told me that that was a phrase that had always helped her when she struggled in her calling.  It was simple, yes, but it also entailed everything that I had learned about the job so far:  Having a good greeting, being conversational, being persistent, and being a good active listener.  All of these skills were essentially embedded into the idea of having a good conversation with people.  If you're having a good conversation then you're going to have a good, pleasant greeting.  If you're having a good conversation then you're going to be a good active listener.  If you're having a good conversation then you should be able to ask the member to get involved at a financial level that he or she is comfortable with.

In short, if you're having good conversations then the rest will fall into place.

And fall it did.  For the month of January I ended up being 29% above expectations.  My lead director was so impressed that she set the goal for me to be 40% above expectations for the month of February.  She encouraged me to continue to do whatever it was that was working and to continue to improve my performance so that not only would I be performing well as a director but also so that my tips and pep talks would be more powerful with our callers if they knew I was personally performing at a high level.  It would give my own words of wisdom more legitimacy if the callers were able to see that was I was saying would lead to positive results.

Although the majority of success has stemmed from those simple five words, the success has also bred further success.  My own expectations of my calling have increased so that I now hold myself to a higher standard because I know of what I am capable of.  When I was struggling during my calling, there would be entire four-hour shifts where I would only get a couple of people involved.  Now, I'm at a point where if I don't get at least six people involved during a calling session then I feel that I have not lived up to expectations.  I also have set lofty goals in terms of how much money I am able to pledge each week.  Three weeks ago, I pledge $980 which was my new personal best.  However, it was tantalizingly close to $1000 so that amount has now become my new benchmark.  Even if I am well above quota during a four-hour shift, if I only raise a couple hundred dollars I know that I am well off my goal.  That is something that was unthinkable for me nearly a month ago.

All and all, I think my main takeaway from being a telemarketer is that the process is very counter-intuitive.  For someone like myself that is very left-brained and needs things in a logical order, this has been a difficult transition.  And yet, the results are there.  The way to become successful?  Keep it simple.  Don't overthink it.  Have good conversations.  That's it, end of story.  All of the other things will slide into place if you do these three simple things.  If you can do them, then you can be a good caller.

And have those good conversations.