Upon further review, I needed more than 48 hours.
As I mentioned in my last post, the previous week at my job had been the most trying one to date. Not only was I put on a performance plan but I also had to consider what exactly this performance plan meant for me going forward. Was it a simple way to motivate me or was it a not-so-subtle way to let me know that I wasn't what the organization was looking for? In truth, I personally couldn't say for sure one way or the other and instead of making a rash decision, I opted to give myself a full week to evaluate my choices. In doing so, I wanted to see if the job itself would feel any different based on the past week's events.
My conclusion: The job was no longer fun.
Throughout a normal work week, there are always inevitable highs and lows. However, for the most part I enjoyed the work I was doing and because of that, I was able to endure both ends of the spectrum. However, ever since my meeting with my boss, something changed both within me and in the way I was being treated. My boss seemed to be delegating authority to our other director rather than me. When I offered my opinion, it was greeted with an "Ok" without any further discussion. When I needed to do something my boss said, "You should..." in a tone that seemed unusually annoyed or aggravated.
In addition, my own work simply wasn't the same. For every important directorial act, I forced myself to quadruple check what I was doing, even though I knew I could do it right one time. For my own calling, every single person that said no weighed on me like never before. I felt pressure to perform and instead of being able to have good conversations like I had been doing, I instead found myself becoming annoyed with members who were unable to give financially. At the end of the week, I was above expectation but only by about 5%. In the previous weeks I had been between 50-60% above. During those weeks, I was calling well because I was relaxed and because I was confident that I could successfully have good conversations.
On Friday as the directing team left the office, I turned and looked back for the sole reason that I couldn't imagine myself in this line of work for another 14 months. In fact, I could barely imagine myself in this line of work for another 14 days and yet that would be the least that would be required of me. However, right there and then when I was looking back and thinking about my future with the organization, the 14 days felt a whole lot better than 14 months.
So on Monday, I put in my two weeks notice.
My boss just nodded and gave me the paper work to fill out. My co-worker just nodded. However, I had reached a point of no return and this really was the only way for my time with the organization to end. The last thing I wanted to do was be fired and I felt that that was a possibility going forward. However by putting in my two weeks notice, I could leave on my terms. It also allowed the organization to start planning to find my replacement, something I'm convinced was already in the works anyway. Now however, they could begin the hiring process and wouldn't have to worry about doing it behind my back. Lastly for me, I could focus on finishing out the job strong and leaving the organization with a good impression of me without burning any bridges. Despite how this all will end, I don't hold any grudges and I do wish the organization well. They're doing good work, but unfortunately they aren't staying true to their mission statement and that is a shame because it is a noble mission statement at that.
And now it's back to the drawing board and time for this millennial to wander once more.
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